Zong Yang

2011-12-25T22:14:00.007+08:00

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I’ll love you for a thousand more.

Merry Christmas! What a hiatus, haven't been here for a really long while. I have so much work to do, but I just can't lift my lazy ass out of my bed, can't bring my lazy brain to work. Raaaah, life sucks. Really have to get some momentum going before I die, sigh.

Doesn't really feel like Christmas today, I have no idea why. Been rotting at home and I have to say, it's a wonderful feeling to be lazing around. Trust me, number 1 activity in my life right now. But ohwell, shall enjoy it while it lasts though. Busy year ahead.

Feel like going outttt, haven't been out in a couple of days since I've been resting at home, giving my tired body a break. Looking forwardzx to going out actually, haha. Needa get some stuff before the new year starts! Hmm, let's see... For the trivial stuff, I will probably need a new pencil case and new shoes. And prolly new clothes as well.

I look at what I just typed, and damn, it feels good to be worrying about such trivial stuff in life. It only means that I'm pretty much not preoccupied with matters that can actually weigh me down, for now I guess.

I'm veryvery bored. But such a lifestyle is goddamn ideal, for me at least.

2011-11-14T02:31:00.003+08:00

One day, perhaps.

2011-10-24T23:50:00.003+08:00

So tired right now. Body's already screaming for rest, sigh.

I can't wait for everything to be on track.

The past few weeks haven't been smooth-sailing. I've never felt such disappointment before, never felt so upset before. But it's alright, getting through everything will simply desensitize me. Or maybe not. I guess I can never accept failures and it's been the motivation which has been driving me through. Unhealthy, but it can't be helped.

Ahwell, goodnight.

2011-10-21T23:44:00.002+08:00

Baby I just wanna dance, I don't really care.

Just keep hitting me with everything because once everything's over, I'm bouncing right back up.

2011-10-18T05:12:00.001+08:00

I've been living a charmed life and for the first time in so long, it feels like I've just ran out of luck.

2011-09-08T00:40:00.003+08:00

Mygod, promos ):

I think it just sucks to be worrying but not being able to get down to work and do anything about it, goodness. Reallyreally need to start getting some form of momentum before it's too late, don't really want to retain or anything, ahh.

After promos, it's time to shift my focus and I'm going to silence all of that, one more time. It's kind of strange that till now, people still have no clue what keeps me burning. Blissful ignorance, beneficial to everyone.

I've been looking through my Itouch and seeing all those inspirational quotes, it kinda made me laugh. To be honest, I wonder if they ever had any significance in my life, considering the fact that I'm never reminded of them when I need motivation.

I mean, something like say,

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon".

Somehow, they don't work on me anymore. All these quotes which were supposed to be a form of encouragement had never worked for me. Perhaps this explains why I was such a failure in the past. Yes, it's a matter of perspective I know. But looking back, I could have been much better, not only in one aspect. I guess my perfectionist streak is emerging yet again. It isn't very apparent in what I do in day-to-day basis, but it surely comes through in my thinking process. All these expectations heaped upon myself, I have never really thought about the consequences if I don't achieve them. Disappointment you might say. But what many don't understand is that in a world of a perfectionist, there's no room of error. More often than not, there will never be a grey area. This leads me to wonder whether I'm a true perfectionist. Along the way, I kind of started to expect less of myself, giving lame excuses such as 'trying my best is enough'. It's apparent now, as I see it, it's back. My perfectionist streak has returned. Whether it's going to make or break me, time will tell.

Nonetheless, time to wake up from such a dream. It's about time I start relying on my mental strength anyway.

Shall get back to work. Or maybe I shall just head to bed.

2011-09-06T04:02:00.001+08:00

Shut up lah.

2011-08-31T22:34:00.001+08:00

So I put on my usual smile,

Sitting back and enjoy.

2011-08-21T23:30:00.003+08:00

I came across this on Facebook and gosh, it made me miss the school so much. It expressed how I genuinely felt and it reminded me just how much I was protected in the school which I was reluctant to enter initially.

Four years, a complete transformation of my perception took place. Walking through the gates of the school always gave me a sense of warmth, familiarity and most strongly, comfort. I've learnt so much through the four years and I can't thank each and single person who has made such a huge impact in my life enough. The learning curve in all aspects was always steep. But there was always someone, to guide you by the hand and walked you through till you reach the top of the mountain.

I guess that's what overwhelmed me last year. No more of such caring guidance, no more of such warmth. As every Josephian finds his step after walking out of the school for the very last time as a Secondary Four student, he'll more often than not look back at what he left behind. Those treasured moments, those lovely memories and not to forget, those caring people. It is without doubt that no one leaves her without any of these 'cause simply, she has given each and every one so much through the years.

Truth be told, times when I'm troubled, I still return to her. Not because she can provide me with answers, but because of the fact that she brings the peace and serenity I need to clear my thoughts and come out even stronger.

I was wrong. In truth, the warmth and comfort she provides is something which remains forever and ever. Because Once a Josephian, Always a Josephian. Ora et Labora.

2011-08-21T16:01:00.002+08:00

All the water in the ocean can never sink a ship unless water gets inside.

Likewise, all the pressures in life will never hurt you unless you let them in.

2011-07-31T04:31:00.006+08:00

'Cause tomorrow morning we'll be leaving,

So right now, you better jump right in.

Even till now, I hate decision makings. And I mean, why not? It's tiring and demanding to think of the consequences of your choice, the potential backlash. On the other hand, the benefits it can bring you may be glittering as well. Sigh, indecisiveness.

I gave up this opportunity. It was a good chance to build my portfolio for sure. But I thought of the various consequences and ultimately, decided against it. It's strange how I weighed in numerous factors but like many other times, I found myself taking a gamble and trusted my instincts.

The only reason why I took this risk was 'cause I had this slight confidence in my abilities. Perhaps, just perhaps, things will fall into place like how I wish it will.

I'm actually feeling tired, so amazed. Given how screwed my body clock is, 4.38am seems like a small matter. Ahwell, time to head to bed, tuition tomorrow. It's really time to hit the books, focus on recovery and prepare for what's coming up. That's that, and it'll stay that way.

2011-07-27T21:50:00.001+08:00

If it meant that you're the only person in the crowd;

I'm silencing it in my own way nonetheless.

2011-06-10T01:14:00.006+08:00

Last Sunday, my sister finally got married. To be honest, I couldn't imagine the day would actually come. Even when they had announced close to a year ago, or perhaps even longer (so long ago that I can't even remember), it felt strangely surreal. Perhaps it's due to the fact that I'm barely involved in this important phase in her life but it just doesn't feel like it had actually happened.

I guess from now on, there will be significant changes. When she moves out, it'll feel like she has moved on to another phase in her life. I'm genuinely happy for her but deep down, I miss her already. Currently on her honeymoon, I can still remember her speech on her wedding day. How it was a tear-jerker, how it almost moved me to tears. My mum was unable to hold back her tears and understandably so.

If there's anything, my sister has been the crucial link in my family. Her jovial nature, her love for the family transcends into action which at times may seem particularly redundant to me, but only for me to realise the reason behind it as I grew older. From taking my first few baby steps to now, my sister has always been there for me. She has been a pillar, always there for me. Really, I really cannot ask for more from her. To me, she'll always be a perfect sister.

I'll miss her laughter, miss having dinner with her, miss having slight arguments with her. I still vividly remember the times we used to be glued to the teevee during dinner times, watching shows such as Holland Village (or something like that). As the both of us grew older, we became busier persons and at times, we barely talk. But for all those starving nights where she drove me to Chomp Chomp to satisfy my hunger, or a mere craving, I just feel so blessed to have her. You see, it's the little things that counts. She has done so much for me that I can't thank her enough, can't pay her back and I can only be grateful, at least for now.

I'm pretty sure the household will be much less cheerful after she has left. And I guess it's an added responsibility. Because from now on, there won't be her to protect from my mum when I incur her wrath, no more teasing, no more jokes, no more satisfying of cravings. Heck, no more heart-to-heart talks.

Having said all of that, I'm really happy for her. I wish everything goes on smoothly in her future and nothing goes awry. Even if things happen, I'm sure she'll be strong and tackle the problems head-on. That's how she is. Firm, yet always having a soft spot for me haha. Take care my dear sis, love you.

Ahwell.

2011-06-08T14:33:00.001+08:00

Sorry for being who I am, but that's just the way it goes.

2011-06-02T23:33:00.002+08:00

While everyone is revolving around their own orbitals, please spare a moment to take a look.

Look at how badly battered it is.
Look at how exhausted it is.
Look at how terrified it is.

Spare a moment to realise, beneath this pair of weary eyes, beneath this perfect and glistening exterior lies a flawed diamond. A flawed diamond which can never fulfil its never-ending desires. To be purposeful in every output, seemingly impossible.

All it asks is to have its own moment to shine, that's all. A moment which it can finally revel in.

2011-05-09T01:15:00.000+08:00

On a night where something has been shredded to pieces, I guess it's up to these pieces to find their own remedy and glue themselves back.

Because no one, will be willing up to pick up these pieces.

2011-03-02T00:03:00.001+08:00

Gosh, I really need to catch up on lost time.

I haven't blogged proper in a long time, looks like today won't be the day I'll break the trend. Ah man.

2011-02-18T22:59:00.002+08:00

When all the odds are stacked against me, perhaps I should be stronger and step up my game.

2011-02-16T00:02:00.003+08:00

It's amazing how a snowflake won't be crushed in your hands, but a snowball which packs a punch crumbles upon force.

So sometimes, it's good to be left alone. It'll do me good.

2011-02-13T22:58:00.000+08:00

SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS.

2011-02-11T00:18:00.002+08:00

I'm drifting along in life.

I guess I need time to organise my thoughts. Just some time.

2011-02-08T23:03:00.002+08:00

I really have no idea why I'm feeling so down at the moment. It's just frustrating because I can't pinpoint exactly what's wrong.

I guess it's time to shift my focus back. No matter how much I complain, expectations are still there. It's something I can't escape from. Honestly, I really have no damn idea what I'm doing now. It's time to organise my thoughts and get back on track, asap.

Piece of shit, I just feel so terrible now.

2011-02-06T02:02:00.005+08:00

CNY this year was filled with more activities than usual! Instead of the usual house-visiting on the first day and relatives coming over on the second, my friends came over on the second too :D Went to Universal Studios on the third and a few friends are coming over tomorrow again. And oh yes, went over to Casey's house just now. Had a good dinner before that. Whoo, picture story, too lazy to type right now.

CNY EVE! Chinatown with a few classmates (:

Picture before house-visiting!

Friends over for the second night!

Universal Studios!

Too lazy to upload more. So yes, CNY was pretty eventful!

I'm gna go to bed now!

2011-01-31T00:26:00.003+08:00

Things actually happen for a reason, don't they?
But times like this, I'm really frustrated and confused. Life, don't do this to me please.
But, I guess I'm rendered worthless already.

I'm so tired. Barely had enough rest for the past few days. I've never realised cny is so close actually, ohwell. Perhaps I'm just exhausted from the mindless enthusiasm from orientation, or whatever. But I really want a good break.

I really want it.

2011-01-26T13:13:00.008+08:00

It's funny how things in life can be linked at times.

As much as I tense while running, maybe I'm expecting too much from myself. While I need to find my running form back, there's just this big question mark which I have yet to find an answer for.

Spending time alone is one of the best things you can do. Perhaps it's just me, but I really like the serenity when I'm out alone, or be somewhere as simple as at a playground at night. An escape from the bustling day, the feeling of sitting down alone and letting your mind wander, pouring your heart out to yourself in your head, smiling to yourself with no one giving you weird stares, letting tears trickle down your face, all of the above make such a sweet concoction. I'm beginning to appreciate this time of solitude even more. Times when I don't feel like going home and I just wish to stay out, it's the perfect solution. Times when I feel beaten, down and out, it's the remedy. It's making me more reserved as a person, but I think it'll benefit me eventually.

Perhaps in the near future on one of such nights, I'll find my answer.

Till then, I'm going to get ready for school, which starts tomorrow! Green to yellow, white to brown, I'm not as excited as I thought I would be. Perhaps I've already been through it, knowing how it's like for a week, but it'll be a completely different story from tomorrow. Having survived in my SJI uniform for a week amongst the sea of brown, that was the first step.

So many people have asked me why Hwachong. Various reasons, really. I guess one of them was to pose myself this challenge, stepping out of my comfort zone and attempt to start afresh in a completely new environment. It was a tough decision to make, but ultimately it'll teach me to be independent. Well, having said that, it was definitely not the only reason of course. So many factors that pulled me there, even though I do think of the 'what-ifs', I'll make sure I make full use of this opportunity.

Ohwell, I'm off to pack my table. If it looks tidy enough, I'll be a proudass and post a picture of my neatness. Muahahaha.

2011-01-24T02:22:00.004+08:00

Today was horrible.

Honestly, I don't know what in the world I was thinking. On hindsight, it was such a absurd decision to actually run despite feeling the pain. Perhaps it's the competition, I don't know. But it was such a wrong choice and it ended with embarrassing and demoralising consequences.

I made two decisions today. One was to compete and the other was to slow down after the curve. Decision after decision, it's a chain effect. I could only salvage the situation during the second one. I have no idea at all how long I'll be out, though I really hope I'll be back in a week. Keeping my fingers crossed it isn't a pull and it's a mere strain.

Perhaps I'm never that cut out for this and everything was part of a futile attempt in making my mark. I have so much fear within me that I'll never break through anymore boundaries and start to fade into oblivion. I'm tired of this.

I'm sick of being disappointed and getting upset over and over again even though things can never be perfect. No matter what I try, or how I go about doing it, I never seem to achieve what I aim for. Conclusively, I'm a failed perfectionist. Silly isn't it. I never excel in what I do and yet I still expect self-perfection. 16 years living this way, perhaps my attitude in life is really wrong. Yet, I don't know how I'm going to change this. There's always that desire within me to succeed, that voice in my head telling me I'm capable enough, when in reality, I'm a failure.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not merely demoralised by what happened today. It's just that, looking back in life, I'm a person who rarely succeeds. It is sad because I'm more of a person who hates losing, rather than savour the taste of winning. There's a fine line between the two. People generally fall into the latter, only idiots fall into the former.

For my own damn sake, I really wish I'm able to change.

On another note, competition indeed drives people apart. But when I heard about what they said, it really got me upset for a while. I smiled to myself thinking, I'm gna prove all of them wrong. But that's beside the point, it's just sad that things are in such a state now. I hope things won't turn ugly.

I'm probably going to see a doctor for my cough. So darn irritating. It's been two weeks and it still hasn't gone away, ugh.

And finally, I just wna thank the few whom helped me through what happened.

Thank you Zhiwei for accompanying me at Bishan and telling me the truth and just talking rubbish. The truth might hurt, but it's reality. (I doubt you'll ever see this though, haha) Damn, I really miss training with you.

Thank you Donovan for texting me and encouraging me, and yes, reminding me not to be so lazy haha. I know right now, what's most important is that I pick myself up and work towards recovery, before being back in action. It's been a long while since I had slipped out of top 3, but thanks for reminding me I'm capable and strong enough.

Thank you Chern Hwee for giving me a call, hearing me out even though you're prolly distracted by your thick, un-highlighted History book half the time. Don't be too disheartened, there's still time! There's a first for everything, just make sure it's the last. (how ironic, but yeah) Thank you so much.

And of course, there was you, who listened to my bullshit, hearing my rubbish. I really lost control and I shouldn't have done such a thing, hurting you and making you tired. I just hope things will be better and I don't add to your burden anymore. It's plain silly to do so.

It's 3.52 now, I should be getting some sleep. Perhaps I'll simply lie in bed and think about everything, or better still, I'll just fall asleep. It doesn't matter actually. Sorry if this post seems so incoherent, can't really organise my thoughts at the moment. Goodnight.

And to the same you, I'm sorry.

2011-01-20T22:46:00.001+08:00

I'm in such a lousy mood now.

Ahh, wtf.

Edit:
Looking at that just totally made it worse, ugh.

2011-01-19T22:36:00.001+08:00

Because I'm really running out of time.

2011-01-16T23:19:00.002+08:00

This is just the beginning.

I'm exhausted from all the drama and all which happened today ): From the countless of changes, to being vented on in the call room, to being late for finals, external factors just weren't play their part. I think I found out why I love to sprint. The feeling of being at top speed and letting all loose, it's just so damn good.

Really very tired. Start of school tomorrow, shall get more rest.

2011-01-15T22:36:00.003+08:00

Don't stand there watchin' me, follow me, show me what you can do.

This is for YOU:

HEYYYY. DON'T BE SO MOODY ANYMORE OKAY? ): I don't know if you're going to see this, like, now but I really hope you'll cheer up ): According to research, a smile requires less muscles as compared to a frown, SO SMILE! ALL THE BEST TOMORROW OKAY? DON'T THINK SO MUCH AND YOU'LL DO FINE. NO FOUL JUMPS, ONLY SUCCESSFUL JUMPS (:

CLEAR YOUR MIND OKAY!

Bubble tea tomorrow, I TREAAAAT.

2011-01-15T00:47:00.003+08:00

I need your grace, to remind me to find my own.

I'm feeling rather tired right now, so a quick one. Basically, in summary,

Didn't train much 'cause it rained.
Felt breathless, screwed.
Went back to SJI for campfire + photo with NYBK! (finally)
Went to Bugis thereafter.
Home.

Simply exhausted, goodnight.

2011-01-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

14th.

Says it all.

2011-01-12T23:00:00.002+08:00

Why is that when I feel most vulnerable, I still dream.

I've never felt so sick in such a long time. Practically died in bed the entire day, puked out my breakfast and lunch, gross. Thank you Mummy for taking such good care of me, and Yani for constantly refilling my water bottle hehheh. I'm feeling so much better now. Just praying really hard my fever doesn't come back again. I didn't train today, this is real bad.

Tomorrow's Thursday already, omg. My holidays are ending really soon. Things to do:

Tidy up my messy post-O's table.
Get a haircut.
New school shoes and school bag!
Hwachong's school uniform.
Get well >(

As much as I want to rest earlier tonight, I feel so awake now. Sigh.

2011-01-12T02:34:00.010+08:00

And when I wake up, the first person I wanna see, has always been you.

New outlook! I know it's very simple, but I like it this way. I almost died in the afternoon, really. Suddenly felt so sick during soccer and the journey home is the most arduous one ever. Headache, head was spinning, body felt like crap, all into one. Gosh. Took four pills and I feel much better now. I need to start thinking what I wna take this year and plan for my future. It's time to settle down and work for success, or I'll end up regretting like O's. Why am I awake now anyway, sigh.

Tonight will be the turning point, it has to be. When everything isn't going right, the only way is up. No more of such foolishness, please. It's time I put things into perspective. Stop living in futile persistence and let things be. What doesn't kill, only makes me stronger. I can turn everything around. Back to training tomorrow. I really hope I can turn the tables, starting this Sunday. Hopefully then, everything will fall into place.

Thank you Chern Hwee!

2011-01-11T21:59:00.001+08:00

Sick, and tired.

2011-01-10T09:42:00.005+08:00

Note to self:

Aim for perfection. If you're going to be a bitch, be a classy one. If you're going to be a bastard, do it with poise. Similarly, if you want to make this work, execute it with stunning ease. Stop letting emotions get the better of you, you're more than capable of pulling this off.

Results are going out to be out today, omgg. But I still had a good sleep though. Maybe it's 'cause I slept at three, coupled by the weather factor. I dreamt that I actually had 8 points, shit. Since dreams are the complete opposite of reality, let me prepare for the worst :x Gosh. It's not only the first time I want what I dreamt to come true. And ohmyfreakinggoodness, I dreamt that I had D7 for Higher Chinese. Kill me already.

On another note, no matter how crappy my results are, I HAD BETTER START SCHOOL NEXT WEEK AT THE VERY LEAST. So, I need time to spend time this week to clear my table, get organised, buy school stuff and get a haircut. So sucky that trainings are now in the afternoon, what a waste of time, pfft. To be honest, I can't picture myself in the new uniform though. Well oh well, it'll be interesting.

On a last note, I sincerely think I'm getting fat. Training has been so slack the past week that I think I'm starting to lose form, ohmygosh. I can visualise what's going to happen this Sunday already. The whole stadium is going to see this fat blob, dying for his 400 race, whispering to each other's ears, "This Zongyang, only can run 100 and 200. He'll die anything above that." Oh man, embarrassing. I'll be happy with a 53 for now, thank you. But yes, I do have targets for this coming weekend and I intend to fulfil them.

10.09 now. About four more hours ):

2011-01-09T20:35:00.004+08:00

I'll live a masquerade, and it'll be an exciting one.

'Cause there won't be a repeat of what happened last night. No damn way.

2011-01-05T00:14:00.004+08:00

Talking to Chern Hwee made me realise something. In truth, I probably knew it all along, just that I don't remind myself of it. Ohwell, guess we're both sad kids, in the same predicament.

But in any case, cheer up okay, MOF, haha.

This post is supposed to be muchmuch longer, but I'm too tired for now. Perhaps another day.

2011-01-02T22:18:00.004+08:00

I was on the phone with my friend and amongst the things we talked about, I found something which was particularly interesting and in many ways relevant.

Basically, there are four kinds of love.

Philia
Storge
Eros and
Agape.

There you have it, four distinct Greek words for love.

Philia, friendship. It's basically the love you have in a friendship. You know, the kind where you have your friends supporting you, telling you that you're capable enough, giving you the suitable advice, gentle words of reminder, warm-hearted encouragement. I guess it can even relate to your family. But you get the idea, it's the type of love which you know that there will be a special bunch of people out there, always being with you at every step you take.

Storge, affection. It doesn't have to simply between a couple, it can be as simple as say, sibling love. It's that desire in one to show extra concern for another, and hope the other party is happy.

Eros, passion. It's the stage where couples experience the extra sweetness, the cloud-nine feeling where nothing else in the world matters, just themselves. The longing to see one another every single second and the thought of being physically apart is sheer torture. It's somehow the 'physical' aspect of love. The two are just hopelessly into one another, inseparable. But how long does this actually last, really? It vanishes into thin air when cracks start to surface and only when the cracks are plastered, it appears again. Sometimes, it doesn't even return, 'cause the cracks still exist.

Plainly speaking, a relationship will never last solely on Eros.

Then, we have the final kind.

Agape, unconditional love. The one which enables you to be willing at almost everything. The one which pushes you to go an extra mile for someone else in your life. You give, but you expect nothing in return. Action speaks louder than words. Simple to verbalise, difficult to act. Agape will never be affected by circumstances, no matter what happens. Compare it to the rest. Lose a friend, Philia ends. Stop caring for someone deeply, Storge ends. Crash back to reality from fairytale, Eros ends.

So you might say, go for Agape. But it isn't that simple. For this to happen, everything else has to fall into place. First come Philia, then Storge. Add time and the chemistry between the two into the mixture, then comes Agape, with Eros being released as a by-product. That's what sets apart Agape from the rest I guess.

This, I think, is the perfect concoction.

It has made me think about us.

Philia? Close friends, checked.
Storge? Sure as hell, checked.
Eros? Yeah, checked.

Which leaves us the final one, Agape?

I'm not thinking about the overly-dramatic kind, such as death. That's too morbid, too dark a theme. But linking back, Agape, unconditional love. If I may borrow a cliche, it takes two hands to clap. When one tumbles, there's no point causing hurt. To be honest, I really don't know how this is going to be panned out, but through these two weeks, I realised I had actually lied to myself when I tell myself I am sorting things out, that I'll be back, defined. That was rubbish. I didn't brace myself for reality, I was simply stuck in a never-ending whirlpool.

Perhaps we really have taken things too quickly. I don't want to put any pressure on you anymore. It's time for me to be more matured, though till now, I highly doubt that we were purely living on Eros. No matter what happens, I want you to be happy.

You asked me if I truly love you, if I was sure of my feelings. My answer?

Agape, checked.

2011-01-02T13:44:00.001+08:00

For so many mornings, they had only gathered.
But it was different today, they fell.

2011-01-02T00:27:00.001+08:00

I guess I'm simply deluded, that one day when I wake up, it'll be fine.

2010-12-09T18:08:00.002+08:00

I'm leaving for Australia in about two days' time. Sigh, can't really bear to leave. It's going to early summer there anyway (apparently, sis told me so), so the weather's nothing interesting to look forward to. Ahwell. Given the choice, I don't think I'll want to go, like what I said a few months ago. But being the youngest has its disadvantages too I guess, I often not get a say in such decisions and I'll go with the flow. Well, I just it'll pass reallyreally quickly and I'll be back soon.

But anyway, today was quite interesting. Decided to jog from Serangoon stadium to Casey's house, then all the way to AMK Hub and then back to the stadium. Interesting not only 'cause I haven't done that before, but it allowed me to see many things in a different perspective. Often looking out of the bus' window, I now find myself the one whom people on the bus are looking at. Intriguing really, that though it might seem like a very long distance, I pretty much enjoyed the breeze (yes, amazing I know, there was one) and the surrounding scenery. Despite the occasional polluting gases emitted by vehicles, one word - refreshing. Ironic eh.

But through the route, while both of us were dying, we somehow never gave up and continued on. I wonder if it was sheer willpower, or just the plain old competition we shared since sec1. But I finally achieved my first 10km, took me quite long but who cares, muahaha so proud of myself now.

Ahwell, I was posed this question a few days, which goes along the lines of "What is something you can never give away?" Naturally, I was stumped and when my friend told me the answer, I didn't really quite understand. But anyway, the answer was "happiness". Logic being, for all that you give to others, it'll be returned to you.

Talk about perspective, I've never thought that way. I've realised it's true. Happiness is finely poised in between two extremes. Obviously, one can't find happiness when one's being sad all the time, duh, common sense, no brainer, whatever. But on the flipside, is happiness even cherished when it's not faced with setbacks? The adversities that each individual has encountered, I think, has helped a lot. But having said that, no, I'm not going to appreciate all of that and lean on the positive side, it's too superficial. Or rather, it just isn't me to maintain positive. Strange enough, I would rather wallow in negativity, stay in the deep waters for awhile, before finding my way out. I'm very comfortable in doing so and I guess I'll let it remain status quo.

This brings me to another question. Based on what I've just said, am I happy now? I wouldn't give much thinking most of the time but somehow this kind of stimulated my thought process, trying to find an answer. But through it all, I guess my answer's still a 'yes'. My life isn't the most smooth-sailing one I can find, but having read somewhere on tumblr, happiness is seeing through the imperfections of things. And I guess it helps when you have someone darn awesome in your life, supporting you. And like I've said, no matter what others say/think, I'll be there for you.

DBSCUK,HHWAN (:

2010-12-06T22:08:00.002+08:00

Bloody tired.

I feel like crap, can't pick myself up now. Ugh. Don't really want to talk to anyone at the moment, no mood for anything.

Damn pissing, what a bad day.

2010-11-30T22:37:00.002+08:00

After the hurricane, comes the rainbow.

I think I'm getting sick of track at times. It's been either, training or competitions. It feels as though I've been too caught up with track, too involved in track, making too many sacrifices for it. Perhaps it's just time to step back, look at the bigger picture and actually for once, see where I actually fit into the larger scheme of things. True, I've been thinking about what I wna do, my ambitions and my life goals. But have I actually been working towards them? I think I'm not. Truth be told, more often than not, I get distracted from what I set out to do.

But then again. Is track to me, just a distraction? Or rather, just a tool which I can use to get to a reputable school? Was it just all of that, really? I guessed as I was dying under the hot sun during interval training yesterday, I think it actually struck me through these four years, I haven't been appreciating the beauty of it.

Bluntly, Track & Field has changed me entirely through the course of the four years. Yes, the school, the people around me all had without doubt made a huge impact on me. But this is one area where I actually find myself developing, thrown into a deep end since Secondary One, teaching myself to find my footsteps and become what I am now. All of this may sound very exaggerating but I guess SJI has taught me very well (: To reflect on life and act upon it. There's always my coach and my team mates, (and of course, youuu) to support me whatever happens. But ultimately, no one can help me but myself. Countless of times, I pick myself up when I fall. I motivate myself when I fail. I convince myself that it's alright. Not to mention the trainings I endure. The pain from aches and injuries.

Which I guess leads me to one conclusion. Sometimes in life, I get so caught up by my materialistic wants that I forget about finding meaning in things. In the long run, track might not be of value to me. Heck, I might even suffer consequences, who knows. But I think through it all, I'll live for the moment. Continue dying during trainings, continue reducing my timings, continue loving it.

Two more years, I'll make it count.

2010-11-28T21:19:00.006+08:00

It's been such a long time since I've slept so much in a day. Damn, this feels good. I've been very tired these few days, I don't know why though. Perhaps training is taking a toll on me, perhaps I'm packing too many activites in a short period of time. Not that I'm complaining though, this is so much better than studying for O's.

To be frank, I don't even know why I'm here but ahwell, since I have the time, why not. Yesterday was the first time in a very long while that I had to stop running during training 'cause my legs hurt/ached too much. It's a torrid feeling, really. At that point in time, I felt so utterly disappointed with myself. I was wondering why I couldn't bear the pain, why I couldn't be mentally tough. Instead, I allowed myself to wallow in pain, refusing to confront it. Since when I've held such a defeatist attitude? I thought I was stronger than this.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realised. I've been too hard on myself. I mean, I'm not even back on full fitness yet. This sudden step-up in training intensity is bound to take a toll on me. But why do I feel so much disappointment dwell within me? The answer is so obvious, I'm just too competitive. The strange thing is, as of then, I didn't want to beat anyone else. I merely wished to overcome the pain barrier. Something which I have so often won over through the course of these few years. Strange, how competitive I can be, even against myself.

Rested aplenty today, back to training tomorrow. Fresh start, new beginning, wipe out the disappointment and I'll regain my confidence. I'm more than capable. Let's do it.

Futhermore, I have so much more to look forward to tomorrow (:

2010-11-20T20:58:00.003+08:00

Feeling nostalgic maybe?

I think I'll return soon (:

2010-11-18T21:24:00.002+08:00

Hi.

I haven't been on this for a really long time. I doubt anyone will read it anyway, which is why I'm here. It's been more than ten months since I posted on this blog and it brings back memories, really. It also served as a reminder of how I have changed, what I have went through and reflected how I was last time.

Right now, I do feel so much in my heart. I don't really wna talk to anyone, feeling like I need my personal space, which is precisely why I'm here. A myriad of feelings dwell within me, namely. Sadness, disappointment, fear, guilt. Really, I just hope everything will be fine soon.

As I grow older, I really just how much certain things mean to me. Things that can keep me up the entire night. You told me that if those things actually keep you awake the entire night, it means they actually mean hell lot to me. Which is obviously the fact 'cause I can't go a day without thinking about it. When you told me so, my heart really sank. I thought it wasn't true and prayed and worried so much the entire night that I kept crying and crying, in front of my friends. Granted, I was embarrassed. But that was nothing compared to how I actually felt within me. I tried so hard to fight back the tears. But I couldn't.

I do know where you are coming from. I do understand. But I'm really sorry for being so pathetic. That as much as I try not to be affected, I'm simply distracted from everything I do. I guess it's time again. To put on a smile on my face. To simply, lie and convince I'm fine. Really, I'm capable enough.

Or rather, just to see you happy once again. I think that'll be more than enough. I'll brace myself for the worst. Because I know the decision you've made will make you feel better.

2010-02-28T21:57:00.000+08:00

http://shhh-ineedsilence.tumblr.com/

2010-01-20T00:29:00.002+08:00

I finished my homework before 1 today! :D
Taylor Swift, whee!
Training tomorrow, let's go!

2010-01-18T22:11:00.001+08:00

What the hell is this. Fuck my life.

2010-01-14T23:48:00.003+08:00

Guess what.

I'm dyinggg.

It's been only the second week of school, mygoodness and I'm already dead tired. School's been pretty eventful for the past two weeks but in any case, TOMORROW'S FRIDAY. Allcomers are this weekend and I'm pretty apprehensive actually. It's alright, got to live with it, got to deal with it.

I've got to admit I'm an extremely competitive person, and I probably hate losing more than anyone else. At times, I do wonder if the desire for success or the fear of failure which is driving me. But whatever it is, I do know that my form is pretty bad now, which feel absolutely terrible. Argh. I do blame my poor adaptability for this. School's pretty much wearing me out at the moment.

I suck, but I'm in a need of a break.

2010-01-02T02:04:00.003+08:00

Wake up, wake up on a Saturday night.

Could be New York, maybe Hollywood and Vine. London, Paris, maybe Tokyo.

Ahh, that sense of accomplishment. I've just finished one zuowen, which is quite an accomplishment considering I haven't touched work in a really long time! 2010 heralds much promise and excitement. Though I have pretty much mixed feelings at the moment, I'm learning how to grow up and take things in my stride. Like some car ad says, maximise the positive, minimise the negative(:

I'm currently listening to Wake Up by Hilary Duff now. It's not really a new song but it's pretty awesome to listen to old songs once in awhile. I so love my Itunes! It might have very few songs compared to the millions that people have, it might not be able to play more than a day in total, but it just suits me just fine(: The song brings so much positivity and energy that I can't sleep at the moment! Especially after completing my essay. I'm so proud of myself(:

I simply love night time. It's just so peaceful and you know you can have all the time alone that you want. Perhaps it's the sense of freedom that draws me to it, but nights are million times better than in the day where it is always hustle and bustle, busy here, busy there, busy everywhere. The dark gives me much time to calm down from the hectic schedule and do my tasks at my own pace, in a quiet environment. I think I will appreciate my nights more this year(:

Ahh, it's times like this that I absolutely love life(:

There's something going on everywhere I go, tonight, tonight
Yeah tonight..(:

2009-12-27T03:09:00.002+08:00

It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow.

Goodnight world!

2009-12-27T02:43:00.006+08:00

I don't feel sleepy, don't ask me why.

I haven't posted anything in a really long time. Probably I got tired of it. Heck, it's just a lousy excuse for laziness. But then again, is there really a need to account to others? I last posted in September, which was around three months ago. It's nearing the end of the 2009, an eventful year. Like every other year, it had started with so much promise. And like every other year, disappointment never fails to disappoint.

I start to wonder if I'm just a failure. I could never accomplish things, I could never get things right, I could never lived up to expectations. With my one-dimensional life still taking place, I have no idea what expectations are heaped on my shoulders next year as yet. But as I start to grow up, pulling away from the carefree life everyone used to enjoy, it is vital I need to get things right next year. No more screwing around, no more excuses, I'm going to show myself what I can do. Don't do it for anyone else, but for myself.

Next year marks my sixteenth year. I need to start growing up and accept reality. It's time to realise how awfully wrong things can go, how matters can slip out of my control. I can't help but feel I've been made a fool. I'm afraid how things will turn out. I don't know what will happen by the end of next year, I don't know how I'll deal with it. I don't know how I'll become. But I do know that reality is cold and hard. Life is that unfair.

I've been robbed.

Perhaps it's time for to get some sleep. Back to training.

Oh yeah, I'll show everyone what I can do.

2009-09-12T20:32:00.002+08:00

Everyone seems to be studying and I haven't even completed on my homework. Guess it's really time to buck up. 1 (or maybe 2) am and iced latte, here I come.

Just where did all those carefree times fly to?

2009-09-11T03:40:00.002+08:00

It's already September.

It hurts me when I picture the scene. I'm a person who needs control. When things spiral out of my hands, I hate to think what will happen. Through my fifteen years, I have never been gripped by fear so tightly before. I hate to see the event unfolding, I hate the time diminshing.

'Cause when you're fighting against something as powerful as time, you know you have lost the moment you started.

I believe in miracles, but I have lost the faith I once held in them.

2009-08-30T18:20:00.001+08:00

It's okay, it's alright.
I wouldn't go down without a fight.

I think.

2009-08-13T00:31:00.001+08:00

Respiration

Oxidation is a chemical reaction in which a molecule gains oxygen or loses hydrogen.
Respiration is the oxidation of food substances with the release of energy in living cells.

Aerobic respiration is the oxidation of food substances in the presence of oxygen with the release of a large amount of energy. Carbon dioxide and water are released as waste products.

Anaerobic respiration is breakdown of the food substances in the absence of oxygen.
The little amount of energy by anaerobic respiration is enough for the yeast to survive. Yeast releases ethanol (alcohol) and carbon dioxide as waste products during anaerobic respiration.

Tissue respiration is the oxidation of organic substances, releasing energy, carbon dioxide and water within the cells or tissues of an organism.

Energy Conversion in muscle cells

During vigorous muscular contractions, the muscles cells first respire aerobically. In order to remove carbon dioxide and take in oxygen at a faster rate, panting occurs. The heart also beats faster in order for oxygen to be brought faster to the muscles. However, there is a limit to the rate of breathing and heartbeat and they cannot continue increasing. When this occurs and vigorous muscular contractions continue, the muscles cells carry out anaerobic respiration to produce extra energy. Lactic acid is hence formed.

When there is insufficient oxygen to meet the demands of vigorous muscular contractions, the muscles incur an oxygen debt. Lactic acid concentrations build up slowly in the muscles and may eventually cause fatigue and muscular pains.

During the period of rest, the breathing continues to be fast for some time. This is to provide sufficient oxygen to repay the oxygen debt. Lactic acid is also removed from the muscles and transported to the liver. In the liver, some of the lactic acid is oxidized to produce energy. The energy is used to convert the remaining lactic acid into glucose.

Gas Exchange System in Humans

Nose
Air usually enters the body through two external nostrils. The nostrils lead into two nasal passages which are lined with a moist mucous membrane. There are several advantages when breathing through the nose.

Dust and foreign particles, including bacteria in the air, are trapped by the hairs in the nostrils as well as by the mucus on the mucous membrane
As air passes through the nasal passages, it is warmed and moistened before it enters the lungs
Harmful chemicals can be detected by small sensory cells in the mucous membrane

Nose to Trachea
Air in the nasal passages enters the pharynx. Air then enters into the trachea through the glottis.

Trachea and Bronchi
The trachea lies in front of the oesophagus. It extends downwards from the larynx into the chest cavity. It is supported by C-shape rings of cartilage which ensure the trachea is always open. The lower end of the trachea is divided into the two bronchi, one to each lung. Each bronchus divides repeatedly and ends in very bronchioles. The bronchiole ends in a cluster of air sacs.

The thinner walls of the trachea and bronchi are lined up by epithelium bearing cilia. Gland cells in the epithelium secrete mucus to trap dust particles and bacteria. The cilia help to sweep these particles up the bronchi and trachea into the pharynx. They are then swallowed in to the oesophagus.

The Lungs
Each lung lies in the pleural cavity which is lined by the pleura (transparent elastic membrane). The inner pleuron covers the lungs. The outer pleuron is in contact with the walls of the thorax and the diaphragm. A thin layer of lubricating fluid between the pleura allows the membranes to glide over each other easily.

The lungs are adapted for efficient gaseous exchange.
There are numerous alveoli in the lungs to provide a large surface area.
The walls of alveolus are only one-cell thick. This ensures a faster rate of diffusion of gases through it.
A thin film of moisture covers the surface of the alveolus, which allows oxygen to dissolve into the moisture.
The walls of the alveoli are richly supplied with blood capillaries as the flow of blood maintains the concentration of gases.

Chest Cavity
The chest wall is supported by the ribs. The ribs are attached dorsally to the backbone (vertebral column) so that the ribs can move up and down. The ribs are attached ventrally to the chestbone or sternum. The first ten pairs of ribs are attached to the sternum. The external and internal intercostals muscles can be found between the ribs. They are antagonistic mucles.

The thorax is separated from the abdomen by the diaphragm. When the diaphragm muscles contract, the diaphragm flattens downwards. When they relax, the diaphragm arches upwards again. The working of the intercoastal muscles and the diaphragm changes the volume of the thoracic cavity.

Inspiration/Inhalation
Diaphragm contracts and flattens
External intercoastal muscles contract while internal intercoastal muscles relax.
Ribs and sternum move upwards and outwards

Air pressure in lungs causes them to expand to fill up the enlarged space in the thorax. Expansion of lungs causes the air pressure inside them to decrease. Atmospheric pressure is now higher within the lungs and this causes air to rush into the lungs.

Expiration/Exhalation
Diaphragm relaxes and arches upwards
External intercoastal muscles relax while internal intercoastal muscles contract.
Ribs move downwards and inwards.
Sternum moves downwards to its original position.

The volume of the thoracic cavity decreases. The lungs are compressed and air pressure inside them increases as the volume decreases. Air pressure within the lungs is now higher than atmospheric pressure. The air is hence force out of the lungs to the exterior.

Gaseous Exchange in Alveoli
Blood entering the lungs has a lower concentration of oxygen but a higher concentration of carbon dioxide than atmospheric air entering the alveoli in the lungs. A concentration gradient is hence set up for the two gases between the blood and the alveolar air. Oxygen dissolves from the alveolar air into the moisture lining of the alveolar walls and then diffuses from the alveolar air into the blood capillaries.

Tissue cells produce carbon dioxide as a result of aerobic respiration. As the blood capillaries pass through these tissues, carbon dioxide diffuses into the blood and enters the red blood cells. Carbon dioxide reacts with water to form carbonic acid in red blood cells. The reaction is catalysed by carbonic anhydrase present in the red blood cell. The carbonic acid is then converted into hydrogencarbonate ions which diffuse out of the red blood cells. In the lungs, hydrogencarbonate ions diffuse back into the red blood cells where it is converted back into carbonic acid, and then into water and carbon dioxide. The carbon dioxide then diffuses out of the blood capillaries into the alveoli, which is then expelled when expiration occurs.

The oxygen and carbon dioxide concentration gradient between the alveolar air and the blood are maintained by the continuous flow of blood through the blood capillaries and breathing air in and out of the alveoli.

2009-08-08T22:27:00.002+08:00

I always thought people who gorge themselves with food when they're upset are pretty funny and weird. But I guess I'm funny and weird now.

2009-07-22T23:51:00.003+08:00

It's been a pretty long time since I posted something on this blog which has neither a tagboard nor friends :D I think people think I'm weird to have none of them. But I don't think I'll actually bother.

Anyway! Can someone help me in,

CHEMISTRY.
I'm so going to die.

But yeah. I've got a sudden compulsion to have MacDonalds' french fries. Haven't eaten them in a supersuper long time. I shall stick to LJS(: Oh yeah, if anybody still reads the silent blog and you happen to want to buy Powerweb/Skins, tell me okay! I can get more people to buy with me. Umm, so far, there's three people already. The more the merrier!

The time's now 11.55. And I'm doing Chemistry. I'm super hardworking mann. But yeah, I need to sleep earlier nowadays.

I think I'm a weirdo. Crap. Prove me wrong pleaseee.

2009-07-06T17:57:00.002+08:00

I hate being a volunteer.
I absolutely hate it.

Anyway, it's finally over. Training will be suspended till no-idea when. Guess it's time to get my studies back on track, after screwing up badly last term. I need to understand my sciences now. Not even a single 'A' was just how bad it really was. But it's okay! I'm determined to get them right.

Ohoh, guess what! I'm starting on another Harlan Coben book. Woohoo! Titled "The Woods", it's supposedly better than the other two I've read before. Yet, after reading 100-plus pages, I think the first one I've read was the best still 0.0 Perhaps it's the novelty or something. Ohwell. But so far, so good. It's still damn nice. :D

Trackkk. I want to runnnnnnnn. I hope the Malaysia trip isn't cancelled :D At least it gives me something to look forward to!

2009-06-30T11:11:00.001+08:00

Yes, I'm back from WALA.

Competition was super screwed up. Thankyou.

2009-06-16T18:48:00.000+08:00

I was bored, so..

73%

You are a true perfectionist. You are both demanding of yourself and othersWhile it's great to have goals and standards, they don't need to be sky high!

Strange, didn't know I was one. HAHA.

2009-06-15T22:23:00.002+08:00

I've been reading this book by Harlan Coben, Hold Tight. And I really feel it's downright awesome! Honestly, I've been procrastinating alot on this book already): Considering I finished Tell No One in a day. But anyway! Both are great books, it makes you want to continue reading till you're forced to put the book down or something.

But really, what made these books so awesome? Sure, the element of mystery certainly adds a bite to the novels. Surely, that isn't the main point. Many things obviously boils down to the writer, him, himself, and well, him ._. I always felt that to be a good writer, you need both a high IQ and EQ. Isn't that very true? Now to think of it. You wouldn't want to read some weirdo's book which is smooth-sailing and boring. Yet, a person with high intelligence, or at least decent one, will be able to use all the techniques to his own advantage, making his story so damn cool, just like Harlan Coben :D

Apart from that, though, it's just as important to have a high quotient of EQ, don't you think so? Only then, the writer is able to understand life. Sometimes, it's basically the simplest and minute details of the novel which makes so intriguing. Think of it, every aspect is carefully plotted and taken note. And of course, it sure isn't an easy task. Or everyone would have became great writers right ._. But great writers like him do know how to empathise, they do know what's going in the readers' minds, which is just so amazing. At times, I even find myself understanding the character's plight, and maybe rather shockingly, feel for the character.

Now, isn't that the hallmark of a great writer!
And the best thing? I'm never an avid reader.

I am convinced, I'm a fan of Harlan Coben's novels :D

2009-06-10T21:22:00.004+08:00

Not too long ago, while I was training alone, a question came to my mind. For the past three years, I've been working out on the track, giving every inch of effort that I could possibly muster (okay, maybe not), dying from trainings. Not to mention the after-effects where I have to spend time completing my work in the night. All the effort that I've put in, just what exactly was it for?

Honestly, I couldn't come up with an answer. And as I pondered over the possible answers, they seemed to be in a complete mess which looked as though they could never be sorted out. The first answer which came to my mind was the winning bit. But did it seem too superficial? After all, all those trainings, were they simply for winning? Furthermore, the feeling was, as always, a momentary one. A soon-to-be-forgotten one. At most, it would only exist as a piece of memory. Yes, it is possible to argue that relieving that memory would be something special. But really, it is different from the moment when one was to cross the finishing line first. But all the trainings which I had over the past week made me realise something. As I completed the 3x300m set, I found my brilliant answer :D

I do what I do for a few reasons(:

I love what I do.
I prefer proving people wrong than committing to what they say.
I love winning.
I love achievement.
Achievement over myself.

I guess it's as simple as that. It isn't about completing the trainings which matter most, it's how I complete them which held the importance. You could complete a 400x6 pretty easily. Yet, it's how one runs it, how one takes training into his own perspective.

Others might not agree with me and would like to think winning is superficial. But I beg to differ :D To others, as shallow as this might sound to them, the painful hours spent on the track will be worth it(: Then again, a person like me would never be satisfied.

To break 10.90.

The mind must be willing. But more importantly, it's the heart and soul which counts(:

2009-05-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

I'm sure I know what I want for my birthday now.

2009-05-26T17:49:00.003+08:00

I hate being sick -.- The feeling absolutely sucks.

Recovered pretty much from yesterday already though. Temperature dropped by quite alot, thankfully. Hope I get to go to school tomorrow, being cooped up at home isn't exactly nice either. WALA's near, and I haven't even started training seriously. Sigh. Doesn't help that my results aren't ideal this term. 45 for Bio. Wow ._.

Oh no. O:

2009-05-24T21:15:00.002+08:00

Happy sixth<3(:

I went Plaza Sing to watch Night at the Musuem today<3
It wasn't veryveryvery funny.
But it's okay I guess!
Go watch if you can!

Then I went to get my haircut.
I look damn weird now. -.-

Feeling super sick all of a sudden):
Sigh :/
Don't feel like going to school O:
Ahwell):

2009-05-17T21:01:00.002+08:00

THURSDAY!

We went to Orchard to watch Angels & Demons.
Super enthralling, ohmygosh :D
Go watch!
Then we went CCAB to play soccer thereafter.
Super fun :D

FRIDAY!

They came over to my house.
They = Hongkiat, Sherman, Karthik, Ryan, Shashi, Casey, Isaiah, Nevin.
Stayed till like 10.
Then all of them went off.
Aww):
Watched Superhero.
And then did alot of rubbish.
Like, truth or dare.
We all know what Karthik did. HAHAHA.

SATURDAY!

Went to Vivo<3(:
Then cabbed from Dover to Serangoon to Casey's house for BBQ!
Reached there at like, 8 I think? 0.0
Ate super little. :/
But was super full ._.
The food was super nice la. :D
I watched them play Guitar Hero for like quite long.
Since I will probably suck it -.-
Finally left at like, 11.30.
Cabbed home.

Yes.
The weekend was super fun!
I don't want the results to come back.
Sigh. Waste my life away.

I hope WALA isn't cancelled. ><
But first, I need to receive the stupid form.
Everyone received it except for Shashi and me O:
So slow :/
Argh.

Hope no results will be back tomorrow. :/
Byebye!

2009-05-14T20:19:00.001+08:00

Yes. I didn't let it rot and die :D

One paper left!
Higher Chinese Paper 2.
Hope it's easy :/

Anyway,
I shall blog about today tomorrow :D
I need to uhh,
study for chinese.

Yeah,
BYEBYE!

2009-05-11T22:01:00.000+08:00

Seven more papers.

Please let it be over soon.

2009-05-09T21:03:00.001+08:00

I gotta take a chance tonight
So I'm doing me, myself and I
Can wait no more
Sitting all alone
Man, I really hope Hope you forgive me
Oh oh
Hope you forgive me
Oh oh
Hope you forgive me
Oh oh
I can wait no more
Man, I really hope
Hope you forgive me

No. I'm not asking anyone to forgive me ._.
I just like this song :D

2009-04-26T17:05:00.005+08:00

Wow. I didn't know it feels so good to clear your homework!

I've been pretty much chiong-ing over the weekend. And I think I did quite alot already, so yeah, I'm pretty satisfied with myself :D After nats, I seem to have a craving for alot of junk food, somehow. Right now, I feel like having chips, Macs, Mosburger and Long John Silver, Manhattan Fish Market. Oh man, that's really alot. AHH.

But anyway. I think in terms of personal achievement, I feel damn happy with myself :D I've overcome my fear, and learn alot from nats. Of course, on a umm, less deep level, my positions for 100 and 200 are satisfying too(: So yup. I have nothing to complain about, except some minor things which can't be avoided or changed. All in all, it's been a good Nats. Start looking forward to next season, where new challenges lie ahead. I can do it, and I will do it. It ain't that hard.

2009-04-26T14:18:00.001+08:00

Two can play the same game. HAHAHA.

No way. That post is so. Obscene ._.

2009-04-23T23:52:00.005+08:00

And there it ended.

23rd April 2009.

It kind of left me pretty with mixed feelings really.

The 4x100m relay.

We fought.

And even though we only came in third.

What matters most,

we fought, real hard.

I still remember the trainings with my seniors.

Francis doing the trainings with me at SJI, talking about track all day long.

Yaoyi correcting my starts and suan-ing me as usual.

Edwin pacing me for 6x400m, and dying together.

We as a team, training for the 4by1.

We as a team, winning SPH 4by1 and 4by2 without sweat.

We as a team, the bronze medallists.

We are a team.

And they're the best I've ever had.

And the best I'll ever have.

Francis, Zong Yang, Yaoyi, Edwin.

43.91.

Hell yeah.

We did it.

2009-04-18T16:02:00.002+08:00

Only five more.
Let's do it.

Two PBs to break next week please.

2009-04-15T20:23:00.003+08:00

It tastes sweet.
It feels better than breaking any record in SJI.
It feels better than winning at SPH Relays.
That feeling at the finishing line.

B Boys 200m finals.

I've never fought so hard for anything before.
And to think it comes in qualifying.

2009-04-13T21:54:00.001+08:00

I'm so sorry..

2009-04-11T16:11:00.003+08:00

Nats are in two days!

(Click to enlarge)

SAINT JOSEPH'S INSTITUTION
TRACK-AND-FIELD.

2009-04-08T23:49:00.001+08:00

I'm surprised with myself that I'm even posting something,
Since I'm so frickin' tired.
I can't take it anymore.
I need rest.

Zzz.

2009-04-04T15:52:00.002+08:00

Like superglue;

Oops. I haven't posted anything since Monday ._.
SPH relays.
Ah forget it.
Lazy.

I'm supposed to get a haircut.
But I heard thunder.
Ohwell.

Super lazy to do anything.
Lazylazylazy.
Sigh.

2009-03-30T00:11:00.001+08:00

Hmm.

Short post 'cause I'm super tired from the weekend. SPH just sucked away my entire weekend. Ohwell. But I think it was worth it(:

Sorry, heh. I should have done better.

Tomorrow or something.

2009-03-27T22:09:00.004+08:00

LET'S DO IT TOMORROW.

TEAM SJI.

4 by 4.
4 by 2.

Burnburnburn.

2009-03-26T23:45:00.003+08:00

Today was darn fun!
Enrichment day was super enjoyable!
Flower arrangment is cool okay :D
Let me present to you XD

Work in progress!

End-product :D

2009-03-25T23:39:00.002+08:00

Woah.

Today was interesting.
I had the umm, luxury of going down to support the Crossers. :D
Sat in the principal's car there ._.
Along with Brij, Yamani, Edwin and Francis.
Cool eh.
Yeah, I'm the only Sec3.

Went there.
Sec2s can't cheer.
Veryvery bad):
SJI CLINCHED DOUBLE GOLD.
NICE ONE.
Shows the effect of a coach.
Heh.

Madhi frightened all of us like shit O:
He fainted from heat exhaustion.
Damn scary, I tell you.
He was only 100m away.
And was in the top10.

He wanted to continue.
Which was so,
heart-wrenching.

So often.
I tell myself.
Mind over body.
But when the mind's willing, you still have the listen to your body.
I guessed I learnt a lesson.

For everything where there's a balance,
one's mind can't be overpowering one's body.

Going to sleep early tonight.
Goodnight world.

2009-03-23T23:50:00.002+08:00

Hello everyoneee.

Yes, I have decided to post something before I sleep.
Hmm.

Term 2 started today.
I almost died ._.
And that was in the first period.
Can you imagine how I felt during the 1440-1530 lesson.
Yes, terrible, miserable.

Apart from that.
School's fun as usual.
My class is awesome :D
Work hard, play hard.
Okay, maybe the first part isn't true.

Training today was.
Okay, nevermind.
Did starts today.
I just hope my starts are really improving. ._.
Or I'll be darn depressed can.

On a brigher note.
Thursday is Enrichment Day, no lessons.
Friday is E-Learning day.
Next Friday is Founder's Day.
The following Friday is Good Friday.
Wow.

SPH relays this weekend.
Ooh.
Feels quite exciting eh.
But I think it's going to be super tiring.
5 races in two days.
Nice.

I don't feel like training anymore.
I feel fatigue in my body.
Screaming me to stop.
Yes, I need rest.
And it shall start on Thursday.

Yeahhh.
Nah. I'm not sleeping yet.

2009-03-22T00:02:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERMAN!

HAHAHA. Nice picture eh :D

Since it's your birthday, I shan't disturb you la k :D HAHA. Thanks for being a retard for the past two years. Two more years, shit ._. Just kidding la. Thanks for being my buddy till now!! Hope you enjoy your birthday day!

2009-03-21T21:56:00.002+08:00

Let me break the ice;

Rainbow.
Symbol of hope.
Gradient of colours.

Today evening was an awesome sight.
Orange dust which filled the sky.
Twin rainbows which stood side by side.
Splendid.

No reason to give up.
Really none.
Keep trying.
I will.

2009-03-21T00:49:00.003+08:00

So I haven't posted about Thursday.

Oh wait. That was just yesterday 0.0
Eh wait. It's already Saturday.
Which means holidays are ending soon.
Shit ._.
I still have alotalot of homework to do.
Go me):
And you<3(:

Anyway.
400m!
I got a new PB.
WHEEEEEE.
Actually, I'm doing this only 'cause Casey asked me to.
Okay la, not really.
But I'm super satisfied. :D
I was actually thinking during the race.
Awesome.

And I could hear people cheering me on.
Wow(:
Thanks everyone!
Like seriously, the last 100 is a killer.
I really needed all the encouragement I could get :D
But I was glad I didn't get that much lactic.
Awesome.

Honestly.
I was super scared before the race.
I dreaded to run.
I regretted signing up ._.
Nevermind, it's all over.

Hmm.
Then I treated Sam Tay to bubble tea.
'Cause I lost the stupid bet with him ._.
And sorry Jolene, for making you wait for so long. HAHAHA.
Thanks for waking up at like, 6+
Even though you're darn tired.
Awesome friend :D
Thanks for everything!

Then.
Lunch at J8 with Casey and Jolene.
Pizza Hut.
Ohmygosh, it's like so super nice!
I had the baked rice.
Maybe I was just super hungry
Okayokay. Shit ._.
It's already 1 O:

Thenthen.
Popular.
Took bus home with Casey.
Slept.
Remained at home.

Today.
Training.
Screwed up relay -.-

That's about all.
Back to argh,
WORK.

2009-03-19T22:39:00.000+08:00

I don't understand.
I really don't.

2009-03-18T21:47:00.001+08:00

You make it easier when life gets hard.

400 tomorrow.
Lactic, here I come.
Whatever.

I'm in no mood.
Maybe tomorrow.

Get well soon<3

2009-03-18T00:19:00.003+08:00

Maybe that's why they're known as scars.

Went out damn early today.
I realised taking trains in Singapore can be pretty fun.
Especially if you're alone.
Wheeeee.
Right.
But I realised,
It's more fun with company(:

Then trained to Dhoby Ghaut from Bishan.
Watched a movie in the end.
Dragonball Evolution ._.
Predictable.

Then went home.
Got screwed.
Monthly ritual.

Yeah.
I'm tired,
I want to close my eyes.
Take a break from everything,
Track.
Homework.
Shit from parents.
And whatnot.

Bye.

2009-03-17T01:24:00.004+08:00

Okay, short post.

I realised just how much homework I have for this week.
But I haven't started.
Before I know it,
School will re-open.
So why am I not picking up my pen?
Hmm.
I don't know.
Plain lazy maybe?

I've decided to skip Wednesday's training.
Can somebody like, praise me or something.
For showing such courage to defy my coach.
Hmm.
I don't know.
I just know my own physical and mental state better maybe?

Yeah, I'm darn sure.

On a random note,
I think I'm learning how to stick to my decisions;
and bear the consequences.
Now,
that was really random!

Maybe it's the time which I'm blogging at.
My brain feels funny.
It feels like,
A jumbled-up muffin ._.

What am I even doing man.
Dude, I should be sleeping.
Wow, I just realised the time on my blog is wrong.
Cool.

Okay.
Enough of being so weird
Lest someone complains ;D
Yeah, YOU(:

Now this doesn't look short anymore eh.

Cheer up 146! :D

2009-03-14T21:52:00.003+08:00

Okay, so I screwed up today. But it's okay. Focus on tomorrow. Anyway, trained to Bishan with Jolene, the 146 girl :D Also the sunburnt girl. Yes, I seriously think you're supersuper funny. HAHA. Apparently, she trained all the way to City Hall, which was 17 stops from Gombak 0.0 Wow. Then I alighted at Bishan first and then, yeah. Reached home at about 8.15, ate and then watched soccer. I'm pretty tired for some reason :/ going to sleep soon though.

Thanks so much!<3
You never fail to make my day(:
PLP(:

2009-03-12T21:10:00.001+08:00

I wish time wouldn't have passed so quickly.

I'm in no mood to run now.
Tell me how.

2009-03-11T22:50:00.002+08:00

A lot of things hinge on this weekend's results, especially Saturday. So.. yup. Hope there'll be good news for myself, heh. But I'm supersuper unlucky, falling sick on the week itself. Greaaaat. Screwed up relay practice today. My pick-up was super slow, whatthehell. I can't let the team down): Noooo. Burnburnburn. Seems like my position will be fixed over the next two nationals. Actually, it's the same since Sec 2. Ahwell. Better get it right now. Anyway, my results have been pretty bad so forget it. My head's throbbing and I'm not in the mood right now.

Byebye.

New PBs this weekend and,

You to be okay<3

2009-03-11T21:06:00.001+08:00

I haven't blogged in a long time so..

Section 9 of 9 Finals
1 3260 Lim, Amos MI
2 2753 Lim, Chin Ken BVS
3 3230 Mohd Yusoff, Moha ITE
4 2611 Ng, Chin Hui ACSI
5 3679 Tan, Zong Yang SJI
6 3895 Mohamad F A, Moha VS
7 3384 Thio, Fu Chen NP

Section 4 of 6 Finals
1 3192 Yeo, Zhi Rong HCIH
2 3266 Muhammad, Fadly MI
3 3629 Gopal, Vivekanand SSP
4 3679 Tan, Zong Yang SJI
5 2668 Jeevaraja, Vivekraj AND
6 3590 Lee, Boon Kiat SP
7 3704 Pereira, Gerald Luke SPS
8 3826 Muhd, Hykel UNA

Super stressful okay :/

2009-03-07T17:59:00.004+08:00

When your body's screaming stop,
Just move on.
Mind over body :X
I can do it,
And I will.

Anyway,
Hope you've settled your problems Leryee!
My RPB :D

Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry!):

2009-03-05T22:24:00.003+08:00

Today's training was darn cool.
30m x 12.
The last two were interesting.

Yaoyi: What was your timing?
Me: 3.72 la.
Yaoyi: Set, I'll break it.

-runs-

Yaoyi: Eh, 3.69.
Me: EH WHATTHEHELL. Set I must break it.

-runs-

Me: EHH. 3.68.
Yaoyi: I still have one more.

-runs-

Yaoyi: 3.66

I lost ._.

But it's living proof that competition improves people like, I don't know what. I was like struggling at 3.75 - 3.78 for some reason. AHWELL. Anyway, my marks are like, so depresssing! Sigh. It's okay. It's..

Heh.

2009-03-05T15:24:00.000+08:00

hello! i'm in school now using Casey's phone to post. this is quite fun. haha. maybe I should do this more often. waiting for training to start now. heh. byebye.